Your New Year’s resolutions are probably doomed to fail. But it’s not your fault.
About 80% of people who make resolutions will see them break down completely before Valentine’s Day. Despite ringing in the new year with the iron-clad determination that this year will finally be different, most of us will find ourselves back in the same old rut in just a few weeks.
Even though we all know that resolutions almost never lead to long-lasting change, we keep doing this to ourselves every December. New Year’s feels like it should be the ultimate reset button, but there’s one small problem. You don’t become an entirely different person the moment the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve.
New year, new you? Not exactly. Here’s how to have a happier, healthier, more productive year without the resolutions.
All or Nothing
Resolutions fail for a lot of reasons, but mostly it’s because they focus on big, sweeping changes. I’ll never drink soda again! I’m going to the gym every day! I won’t spend any money on impulse purchases this year!
Those are “all or nothing” statements. They don’t allow for any nuance or exceptions. The moment you slip up and grab a coke or snooze through your alarm instead of lacing up your sneakers, the resolution breaks.
If you’ve stumbled just once, you might as well fall down and refuse to get up again. Since you impulsively bought that magazine at the grocery story, you might as well blow your savings on shoes, right? After all, you’ve already failed, so you might as well enjoy it.
All or nothing thinking can be very damaging to your well-being. It also does nothing to help you reach your goals.
Smarter Goal Setting for a Healthier, Happier New Year
Most of us have plenty of bad habits we’d like to change and big dreams we want to achieve. There are a few key ways, however, that we set ourselves up for failure.
Pick Your Battles
The first is by focusing on an outcome we can’t control. “Lose 15 pounds” is not a good goal because you can’t control it directly. “Get a new job” or “start a relationship” are also out of your hands. No matter how hard you try, sheer willpower alone won’t make those fat cells combust. Determination won’t convince your dream job or date to give you a chance.
Instead, shift your goals to focus on things you can control that will make those outcomes more likely. Going for a walk after dinner most nights a week? That’s a choice you can actively make each day. Picking healthier foods or making the time to meal prep are other examples of ways you can create an environment in which weight loss is more likely to occur. But ultimately, that number on the scale is determined by biology, not willpower. Focusing on it as your goal is, ironically, the worst way to lose weight.
What about finding a job? You can’t make someone hire you, but you could improve your skills or learn something new, set a goal of sending out a certain number of resumes a week, or commit to attending one networking event a month. If you’re looking for a date, the steps are honestly pretty similar. In both situations, someone else is a gatekeeper to your goal, and their behavior is out of your control. All you can do is make yourself a more appealing candidate and try to make as many opportunities as possible to meet “the one.”
Slow and Steady
The other trap that many goal-setters fall into this time of year is mistaking a marathon for a sprint. We tend to go hard on January 1st. But reaching big goals involves lots of little decisions every single day. You can’t write an entire novel in one sitting–believe me, I’ve tried. It takes sitting down and writing a page at a time, even when there are other things vying for your attention.
If you want to stop drinking soda, it can feel cathartic to pour out every single bottle and can in your home on New Year’s Day. But what happens the next time you’re tempted? You’ll have to decide, perhaps dozens of times a day, not to grab a soda. Our brains get exhausted by that much decision-making, which is why it’s so much easier to relapse into the auto-pilot of your bad habits. Pretty soon, you’re back where you started, except now you also feel guilty for failing.
Be gentle with yourself as you try to change a bad habit or make progress toward your dreams. This is going to be a long process. Sometimes it might be boring or frustrating, especially if you don’t see results right away. Keep going and stay curious about where the journey will take you.
A Simple Trick to Help You Get Started
If you’re feeling fired up to make some positive changes in your life after reading this, then great! I’ve got one more tip for you: Start right now.
Don’t wait until New Year’s Day. There’s nothing special about January 1st.
