The Twelve Zodiac Signs of Christmas

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Are you ready for another unhinged holiday article?!

Who is ready for another unhinged holiday article?! We have already talked about discount Halloween candy and uncomfortable thanksgiving conversations, so today we are going to talk about one of the weirdest Christmas songs in the holiday lexicon, The Twelve Days of Christmas!

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Read on to find out which gift from this bizarre bird-loving song each of the zodiac signs would be! Don’t forget to check your moon and rising signs as well as your sun sign. You can check your birth chart here!

There is a Christmas surprise for you at the end of this article!

Aries – Ten Lords A-Leaping

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Aries are quite hyperactive. They don’t like to sit still at all. All Aries must be House of Pain fans because they love to jump around. So of course they would be paired up with the ten leaping lords. There is probably a whole bunch of Aries out there playing leap-frog with each other as we speak!

I bet you weren’t expecting a reference to a 90’s hip hop trio to pop up in this article.

Taurus – Eight Maids A-Milking

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This one is probably pretty obvious. Taureans are represented by The Bull and the eight maids are milking cows. I mean, we assume they are milking cows. They could be milking goats. But for simplicity’s sake, let’s say they are milking cows. Also, cream is made from milk, and cream is used to make decadent foods and Taureans love decadence.

Gemini – Four Calling Birds

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You are probably thinking “Wait a minute! Gemini is represented by The Twins! Shouldn’t they be paired with the two turtle doves?!” Well, two to the second power is four, so there! With a name like “calling birds” one has to assume that these birds are quite chirpy and vocal. And Geminis have garnered a reputation for being the most eloquent and talkative sign. 

And yes I know some people think the song says “colly birds” not “calling birds.” Don’t come for me!

Cancer – Seven Swans A-Swimming

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Cancerians are cardinal water signs, so I would not be surprised if many of them feel at home in or near the water. And you know what? Why can’t Cancers be symbolized by a swan? Why do they have to be crabs? Cancerians aren’t that crabby! They are like swans, majestic, beautiful, and… only slightly temperamental.

Leo – Five Golden Rings

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This is kind of a perfect pairing for two reasons. Leo had to be paired with the five gold rings because they are the fifth sign in the zodiac. This is also a great pairing because one of Leo’s signature colors is gold! And let’s be real, only Leo could pull off a flashy look like wearing a ring on each finger.

Virgo – A Partridge In A Pear Tree

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There are a LOT of birds in this song. Actually, that is a bit of an understatement. There are entirely too many birds in this song! I can understand giving your loved one just one bird as a present. At least that would be somewhat sensible. In fact, since one bird would be more practical than a whole menagerie, I’m going to pair the only practical gift with the most practical sign, Virgo.

Libra – Two Turtle Doves

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What are turtle doves, anyway? Well, they aren’t the genetic product of a turtle falling in love with a dove if that is what you were thinking. Turtle doves are actually beautiful birds that represent love and affection. So of course I had to pair them with Libra since they are ruled by a planet named for the goddess of love.

Scorpio – Nine Ladies Dancing

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I have often said that the fixed water signs make excellent dancers. Many people with Scorpio in a prominent place in their chart love to express themselves through dance and/or music. And since Scorpio is known to be one of the most sensual signs in the zodiac, you know they would pull out their sexiest moves.

Sagittarius – Three French Hens

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If the three French hens are the only gifts on this list that came from a different country, then they must be well-traveled. So naturally, I had to pair them with the sign who is known for its well-developed sense of wanderlust. I can see Sagittarius traveling all the way to France to buy three hens for their significant other. That sounds like something they would do.

Capricorn – Six Geese A-Laying

I’m not going to lie. Capricorn kind of got stuck with this one because I couldn’t figure out what other signs to pair with six geese a-laying. So how can I rationalize this? 

Well, maybe the eggs that the geese are laying are golden, like in the fairy tale. And Capricorns are known to be good with money. So I would trust them with a golden egg. Maybe they would invest it… or make a golden omelet.

Aquarius – Eleven Pipers Piping

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Like Leo, this is also a perfect placement because Aquarius is the 11th sign. Aquarius is an air sign so this pairing can work on multiple levels. “Pipers piping” could refer to people playing things like piccolos and flutes and woodwind instruments can be associated with air signs because of the breath support needed to play them. Now if this line refers to a bunch of people smoking pipes, pipes produce smoke and smoke is associated with air.

Was this explanation a stretch? Yes. Do I care? No!

Pisces – Twelve Drummers Drumming

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Yet another perfect placement, since Pisces is the 12th sign. Pisces are known to be musically inclined. Even if they don’t sing, dance, or play a myriad of instruments, they have a deep appreciation for good music. So I think they would want to be associated with one of the musical groups in the carol. 

On a somewhat related note, I feel like the little drummer boy would also be a Pisces. Only a Pisces would show up after a tired woman had just given birth to a baby and be like “Sup’ Mary, rum pum pum pum!”

Ophiuchus – An Aviary

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The song’s true love was more than happy to bring their loved one 6 different kinds of birds over and over again over the course of 12 days. If you add it all up that is 184 birds! 

But did the “true love” ever think to gift their significant other with an aviary to house this inordinate number of gifts birds? No! The Aviary doesn’t exist! Just like Ophiuchus doesn’t exist!

The 12 Signs of Christmas, A Christmas Carol for Astrology Aficionados!

On a starry night at Christmas

My star chart gave to me

Twelve Pisces dreaming

Eleven Water-bearers

Ten Aries fighting 

Nine sexy Scorpios

Eight Taureans cooking

Seven Cancers cuddling

Six Goats a-bossing

5 fancy Cats!

4 chatting Twins (quadruplets?)

3 Sag’s raving 

2 Libras kissing Virgo

And Ophiuchus with an Aviary!

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