There was a post on a subreddit intended to offer a female perspective this week at caught my eye. You all know how much I love and appreciate Reddit from my Indie Perfume love story, but this is different. This post was titled “My doctor thought I was faking it.”
In it, the OP (or original poster) had to go to the ER for pain in her abdomen. It took about five hours before she could see the doctor, and in that time the pain–which was once crippling–had died down. Thinking she was okay, she asked instead to just go home. The nurse talked her into staying, promising the doctor would be there soon.
The doctor said that he was glad she was feeling better, but that he would like to run more tests. If they were normal, she could leave. But when he stepped outside, he told the nurse he thought she was “faking it” and it was probably an ovarian cyst. Not that she was faking being sick, but that she was faking being better in order to not have to be poked and prodded anymore.
That got me thinking… how many times has a doctor, instead of pushing the issue, minimized our health concerns? How many times have you been told “it’s just PMS, every woman deals with cramps” and told to take Midol? How often have you been offered a heating pad and a bottle of water, and sent on your way?
Such a contrast
The original woman’s story is such a contrast to this woman’s experience, who went in for a COVID test because she was feeling ill. Her GP told her it was probably just the flu when her results came back negative, and to rest. So far, totally normal, right?
A few days later, still feeling ill, she experienced what she described as a “horrible” pain in her abdomen, and begged her husband to call an ambulance.
When paramedics got there, she was told she was “probably having an anxiety attack,” and that they “see this in women” all the time. It took them taking her vitals 3 times before they realized it wasn’t a fluke, that her blood pressure was 196/132 and her heart rate was over 170.
She was rushed to the hospital where doctors determined she had sepsis and could have died. If the paramedics had just dismissed her because they saw “so many” women experience anxiety attacks, she would have died.
I can’t find the story now, but I remember reading about a woman who had to force her doctor’s office to take her seriously. She had gone in for a mammogram and found two lumps, one on each breast. At her follow up, the nurses insisted there was only one, on one breast. She sat in the room with the nurse, with no shirt on, and argued until they scanned both. What should have taken twenty minutes took over two hours, but she insisted and she got her way.
And what do you know? She was right.
Why do women have to insist on having proper care?
This is such a strange phenomenon, the idea that women’s pain is dismissed, diagnoses are missed, and we are left struggling and miserable without any medical help.
It’s not just about abdominal pain, which is so often dismissed. This woman had to get her husband’s permission to get her tubes tied, despite the fact that she didn’t have to give permission for him to get a vasectomy. This woman would have died if a doctor didn’t take her pain seriously, as her surgeon told her was all-too-common. This woman was told that the seizures she was having in the middle of the night was “probably just anxiety”.
I could go on. This woman was told it wasn’t so bad that she struggled to breathe at night because she was slim and pretty. This one has had at least 8 different appointments to get to the bottom of a reoccurring issue. There are countless more stories out there, all about women facing the same thing.
Go into the comments to any of these, and you’ll read dozens of stories just like it. It’s disgusting. It’s horrifying. And it’s clear, these women aren’t alone. This isn’t a one time issue. This is a serious problem in medicine.
Women are being ignored, being marginalized. Suffering unnecessarily and sometimes dying because no one is taking them seriously.
What can you do?
Here’s the scary thing–it can feel like there is absolutely nothing you can do about this issue. When a doctor tells you something, it’s hard to argue with that, and after a while, you might think that maybe you are wrong. Maybe your pain isn’t that bad, or perhaps it really will get better if you lose some weight, start drinking more water, or take more supplements.
Yeah, right.
The first, and easiest, thing you can do to take charge of your health is to choose your doctor. Go through the list of doctors–GP’s or specialists–that are covered by your insurance, and look at reviews. Many women prefer to be treated by a female doctor because their concerns might not be brushed off, but sexism isn’t just perpetrated by men in white coats, so remember that.
Secondly, stand up for yourself in your appointments. If you don’t like the answer you’re given to your concerns, say so. Ask for further testing. If you feel you are being dismissed, tell your doctor. I used to roll my eyes when someone said that women are taught for so long to be polite and considerate that we forget how to stand up for ourselves, but it’s absolutely true. Your health should be your number one priority, and your doctor’s, too. Don’t minimize yourself or your needs to be polite. You are paying your doctor and they have a responsibility to take care of you.
Finally, if you leave your doctor’s office feeling upset, disappointed, or unheard, do not just ignore it. Do something about it! Schedule an appointment with another doctor to get your concerns addressed. If it is a larger practice, call and ask for the office manager. Explain how you felt unheard in your appointment, and that you were very unhappy with how your doctor treated you.
For goodness’ sake, leave a review anywhere you can! Other women need to know you had a terrible experience. Don’t feel “bad” about blasting them on social media or other websites. If you were given poor care, do your part to help other women avoid that as well.
We deserve equal treatment. Your health is incredibly important, and no one should be pushing that off to the side. Take control, stand up for yourself, and do what is right for you.
