Just like romantic relationships, solid friendships are hard to maintain. And, as we get older and move on to new parts of our lives, sometimes we find ourselves drifting apart from old pals.
I have a number of friends from high school whom I really haven’t talked to in years. Nothing happened between us, there was no big fight or blow up… we just moved in different directions.
This sort of stuff happens all the time, but it can be a bit of a shock to the system when you realize a person you talked to all the time is no longer really in your life.
If you’re starting to notice you and a friend are drifting apart, don’t panic. In fact, here’s how to best handle a shift in a friendship.
Ask Yourself Some Questions
You may wake up one day and realize you haven’t talked to your childhood best friend in over a year. Trust me, it happens.
That realization may bring on guilt, but don’t let it. For one thing, they didn’t reach out to you either. But, while you shouldn’t feel guilty over the lack of communication, it is time to ask yourself a few questions. Do you miss this person or wish this person was still in your life? Do you still have things in common with this person?
If you answered “yes” to any of those previous questions, you should reach out to your friend. You clearly miss them and your communication has been lacking. But, if you answered “no,” that’s OK too.
Sometimes we stay in friendships out of obligation, but if you genuinely don’t miss this person anymore, it’s perfectly fine to walk away.
Understand Friendships Change
There will be people who stay in your life forever, but that’s not always the case. In fact, most friendships will change and evolve over time.
I had a friend growing up who I saw every single day. We were neighbors and spent literally every waking moment together. We were inseparable and I couldn’t imagine not seeing her all the time.
But, as we got older and moved on to other stages of our lives, we drifted further and further apart. This shift was hard for me at first. I didn’t understand how I could go from seeing someone every day to barely talking to them.
But, over time, I realized this is just how life goes. People find different interests, they start families, or they move halfway across the world. We don’t have to hold on to something if it doesn’t feel right anymore.
Still Check In
Even if you and your friend haven’t talked in a long time, try to check in with them here and there.
Shoot them a text when you see something that reminds you of them, send them a Happy Birthday card, or reach out if you both happen to be in the same city.
Don’t put pressure on yourself or feel like you need to give them a call every six months on the dot. But, at the same time, don’t completely cut someone out of your life just because you haven’t spoken in a while.
Even though you’re not as close as you once were, you’ll ultimately always be friends with this person (as long as nothing terrible happened between the two of you).
I know I always love hearing from old friends, especially if it’s been a long time since we’ve last spoken. There’s something special about reconnecting with people from your past and reminiscing on old times.
