This week, I finally received a copy of a board game I’d preordered early last year in a crowdfunding campaign. Those were more innocent times, when I assumed that 1.) I’d get the game in summer of 2020, and 2.) I’d be able to have a game night at my house.
I think we all know how this story played out. While I’m delighted with the quality of the game and totally understanding about the production delays, it’s more than a little bittersweet to get it in the mail.
But it got me to thinking about how all the standard advice for making friends as an adult no longer applies–and likely will continue to be a challenge for much of 2021.
We can’t exactly go take a class or join a club right now. Yet for many people, loneliness is at an all-time high. Casual friendships are almost impossible to maintain, no matter how many Zoom happy hours you schedule.
And with many people working from home or coping with stressful, socially distant workplaces, another avenue of friendship has been cut off. Unless you’re lucky enough to live with people you still want to hang out with after almost a year of #PandemicLife, you might be feeling pretty isolated.
So what can you do? We’ve got a few tips that can help you connect with people and avoid becoming a total pandemic hermit.
Reconnect
Maybe you don’t have to make new friends at all! Reconnecting with old friends is easier to do than ever thanks to social media. However, I’d encourage you to go beyond liking each other’s posts.
Instant message, write emails, video chat, or pick up the phone! Chances are good that lots of people in your network are craving more of a connection than the shallow one offered on Facebook or Instagram.
If you really wanted to go old-school–and support the Post Office–consider sending postcards or letters to folks in your address book. Getting a piece of physical mail that isn’t junk or a bill feels special; it shows that you value the person enough to take the time to write.
Not everyone will have the bandwidth to become your new pen pal, however, so don’t put too much pressure or expectation on exchanging letters. Just as freelancers need to cultivate multiple streams of income, so too does today’s lonely quarantiner need to have multiple streams of friendship.
Go for Walks
When I moved into my new apartment in October, I didn’t know anyone in this neighborhood. Then I started going for a walk after work and discovered that I’d see the same people–other walkers, folks with baby strollers, and so many dogs–almost every single day.
Are these people my friends? No, but I do get a little much-needed social interaction. If you live in a neighborhood where it’s safe to walk, take advantage of it.
If not, consider visiting a local park on a nice day. Say hello. Comment on the weather. If somebody has a dog, remark on what a good boi it is.
Small talk–in linguistics terms, “phatic communion”–is actually good for you! Although close friendships are most important to your wellbeing, small talk with strangers or casual acquaintances can help ease those feelings of loneliness. A small moment of connection, of “communion,” helps you feel more grounded in the world.
Download an App
Did you know that dating app Bumble also offers a friend-matching platform? Bumble BFF has been around for a few years, but like Zoom, it didn’t really find a moment to shine until now.
There are a bunch of apps out there designed to help grownups make platonic connections. Your mileage may vary, however, and we can’t guarantee that you’ll have a good experience. Internet gonna internet, you know?
Depending on your level of comfort with risk, it’s possible to have socially distant coffee dates with your new friends. However, it’s okay if you want to keep things virtual, too.
Join a Virtual Club or Take an Online Class
It turns out that the best advice for making friends pre-pandemic still applies–with a twist. Joining a virtual book club, for example, can give you the framework to socialize with other people on a regular basis. Taking an online class works, too. At the very least, you’ll have the chance to talk to different people about topics that interest you.
As you make connections, don’t worry about coming across as weird or overly forward. Talk to people, be yourself, and see what happens. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone; in fact, you don’t even have to know someone particularly well to get a boost from talking to them.
