When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, I was always jealous of people who had a lot of friends.
I had one friend in particular, let’s call her Abby, who knew everyone. When we would spend time together Abby would run into at least five friends, no matter where we were. “Oh, there’s Kim from history class, John from the gym, Stacy from the dog park, Hannah from down the hall”… I couldn’t believe one person could know so many people.
Now, this isn’t to say that I didn’t have friends (thankfully I did), I just didn’t have a Rolodex of people to call on a Saturday night. You see, I’ve always been the person who’s had about five very good friends. And while I’ve certainly lost friends and made friends throughout my life, that number of five has stayed roughly the same.
Now, with some perspective, I recognize how lucky I’ve been to have even one close friend, let alone five. But, in my youth, I believed in quantity over quality.
However, now that I’ve gotten older and lived more of my life, I realize it’s actually better to have fewer friends.
Real Relationships Over Surface Level
After years of being jealous of Abby, she recently admitted to me that she’s never felt like she’s had a best friend. I was shocked to hear her say that, seeing as she knew everyone under the sun.
But, as she revealed to me, all her friendships were surface level. She had spent so much time trying to get to know everyone that she spent very little time fostering strong bonds with any of them.
Since I’ve had fewer close friends throughout my life, I’ve always had strong friendships. Sure, I may not know every single person at a party, but I have people in my life who I can turn to no matter what. Having fewer friends allows me to truly invest in those friendships.
Save Your Energy
This may seem silly, but having a lot of friends is simply exhausting. I thought I wanted to be invited to lots of birthday parties and nights out on the town, but in reality, I much prefer having a night in with my best friend.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized I just don’t have the time or energy to juggle millions of friendships. I’m tired of surface-level conversations or spending time at a gathering with people I only kind of know.
Life is too short to spend it with people who don’t really know you or care about you.
Quality Over Quantity
It may be cliche to say, but having one true best friend is always better than having 10 decent friends. Take inventory of the friends in your life and ask yourself if they’d be there for you in a crisis.
Would you be able to call that person at 3 a.m. if you were in trouble? If the answer is no, cut them loose. Only invest in the people who are truly there for you, even if that’s just one person. Trust me, you’ll be happier in the long run.
