When we were kids — at least when we were little kids — we seemed perfectly content believing that the grownups in our lives had everything handled. So we assumed that when we were the grownups, we too would have all the answers.
Then we actually grew up. And it started dawning on us that adulting includes a certain amount of pretending we knew what we were doing. It became clear that no one really has it all together all the time. Fake it til you make it, right?
But what happens when you “make it” (to grad school, your dream job, or even starting your own business), and you still feel like you’re faking it?
If you’ve ever worked your tail off to get a job or promotion, and still feel scared that someone’s going to “find you out” like the kid/noob/fraud that you are, you’ve experienced Imposter Syndrome. And you’re far from alone.
“Imposter Syndrome is a misalignment of your sense of achievement or aptitude with reality,” says Liza Katzman, founder of Lantern Advertising. “Essentially, a feeling that we’ll somehow be caught or exposed ‘cheating the system’ if reaching or trying to reach a certain level of success, as we do not feel that we’re actually qualified.”
Imposter Syndrome is not the same thing as low self-esteem. It’s also different from being unqualified. It’s actually a phenomenon that anyone can suffer from, at any level of their career.
Let’s take a look at some ways you can recognize Imposter Syndrome when it rears its ugly head, and how to thrive in spite of it.
Change Your Self Talk
Let’s face it. We’re all guilty of being too hard on ourselves from time to time. Would you ever let anyone talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself?
I highly doubt it.
Part of combating Imposter Syndrome is catching yourself when you engage in abusive self-talk. Mindfulness can help us separate the thoughts that are helping us from the ones that are harming us.
This doesn’t mean you should bury any negative thoughts — that won’t get rid of them. Instead, recognize the deep-seated beliefs they’re springing from, and understand that those beliefs aren’t reality.
“You need to acknowledge and own your feelings but not equate them with your actions,” says Joshua Klapow, PhD and clinical psychologist. “You may feel like you are faking it, or like you’re an imposter, but it’s critical that you also look at what you are actually doing versus feeling. Ask yourself this: ‘I don’t feel like I should be able to do this but did I get the work done?’”
You’ll probably pleasantly surprise yourself.
Make a List of Your Qualifications
There’s a Mindy Kaling quote that I have on a sticky note in my office that helps me when I’m feeling like I’m a fraud. It was in response to someone asking where she got her confidence from.
“Work hard, know your sh*t, show your sh*t, and then feel entitled.”
When in doubt, show your sh*t. Write down your accomplishments on a piece of paper. Include your education, job experience, how you got to where you are, and specific scenarios you’ve handled that prove you know what you’re doing.
“Do a functional analysis,” Klapow notes. “You may ‘feel’ like you got lucky but look at what you did and ask yourself, ‘Do I have the training to have done this? What concrete actions did I take that contributed to this success?”
Sometimes you need to see something as objective as a list.
Look at Things From Another Angle
Ask yourself, “Why not me?”
It’s so easy for us to be hard on ourselves, yet not give a second thought to other, less qualified people who’ve reached higher heights — simply because they had the audacity to go after what they wanted.
“Take yourself out of your own situation and consider it on a macro level,” says Karen Jaw-Madson, author of Culture Your Culture: Innovating Experiences @ Work. “Think of all the imposters who get the opportunities when they shouldn’t. Now think of all the others who should shine, but don’t get to. Life isn’t fair, but if the real you gets that moment, take it.”
The world is full of imposters. But you aren’t one of them. So bask in your own accomplishments — you deserve it.
Recognize What Makes You Unique
If you’re feeling like you don’t deserve the position you’re in, or like you’re not extraordinary enough to go after what you want, take the time to explore the traits you have that no one else does. A very unique set of qualities and experience led you to where you are right now. And no one can fill your shoes.
“Focus on your strengths. What makes you special?” says Jaw-Madson. “Your unique combination of personal strengths validates that you are for real, not an imposter.”
Talk It Out With a Friend
Remember when I asked if you’d let anyone talk to your friends like you talk to yourself? That’s how your friends feel about you. Tell them what’s on your mind, and give them an opportunity to prove it.
“When imposter syndrome makes us our own worst enemies, those that truly know us can provide the lift we need to overcome it,” Jaw-Madson adds. “ There will be times when they in turn will need the same encouragement, so give freely.”
Ultimately, You’ve Gotta Make Peace With It
Lastly, understand that Imposter Syndrome might be here for the long haul. But that doesn’t mean we have to be its victims. We can acknowledge and appreciate that it keeps us on our toes, but deny it a place in our daily thoughts.
“For many people, imposter syndrome never fully goes away, but rather moves to the background of their thinking versus dominates their thoughts,” Klapow adds. “In many cases, it serves to keep us alert, dedicated and on our game.”
