I’d be willing to bet that no one thought 2020 was the best year ever. We’ve all faced a challenging year on a number of fronts, and I’m glad that it’s finally over.
But if you’re anything like me, then relief isn’t the only emotion you’re experiencing right now. There’s a lot of regret, maybe even some guilt and anger. We lost a whole year! Plans were pushed back–or derailed completely. The milestones we thought we’d hit are still up ahead.
And I didn’t even learn how to bake sourdough.
Quarantine Expectations vs. Reality
On social media, once it became clear that the pandemic wasn’t going to magically disappear and we were all stuck in this new reality for a while, a new trend emerged. This wasn’t a lockdown–it was an opportunity! If you’d always wanted to write a novel or learn how to play the guitar, now was your chance.
After all, as many (many) people pointed out, Shakespeare wrote King Lear while in quarantine during an outbreak of the plague. If he could do it, why can’t you?
There’s so much wrong with that mindset. While Gal Gadot’s misguided celebrity sing-a-long was rightfully roasted for being out of touch, it wasn’t the worst thing celebrities and influencers shared on social media this year. To me, the posts about how quarantine was a blessing in disguise deserve a lot more scorn.
For one thing, they totally ignore the millions of essential workers who still had to risk their lives to keep doing their jobs every day. They also ignored everyone who lost their jobs, even their homes. Oh, and that’s not to mention the folks who actually got sick or lost loved ones.
Reset Your Perspective
If you made it through this year, then you should feel proud of yourself. You might be battle-scarred and exhausted. Your house might be a mess. You might have realized that your baking skills are so terrible that you can’t even use a bread machine. (Just me?)
Regardless of where you are in your life right now, the only important thing is that you’re still here. Rest, regroup, and look toward the future. But, most importantly, forgive yourself for any lingering guilt or regret from this year.
Everybody’s plans are in the flaming dumpster of 2020, and there’s no way to just pick back up where you left off before all this happened. As you think about setting New Year’s resolutions–which you really shouldn’t do, anyway–be kind to yourself.
As you look out over the wreckage of this year, be proud that you survived. No matter what shape you’re in, no matter how much you had to give up or cope with as the year dragged on, you have nothing to feel bad about. I won’t even say that you did your best, because that implies that you needed to try to meet some made-up standard of excellence. Forget that!
In the words of VP-Elect Kamala Harris, we did it. We made it through this horrible, difficult year.
Not unscathed. Not without losses that will continue to impact our lives for a long time to come. But don’t feel a moment’s regret because you didn’t learn Korean or take up gardening. Don’t feel like you failed because you had to push back your education, your wedding, or any other Big Life Goals you hoped to achieve this year. If you lost your job or had to go on public assistance to make ends meet. If you fell into bed every night at seven p.m. to watch reruns of Parks and Rec instead of writing a novel. (Again, just me?)
You did not fail in 2020. If anything, this year failed you.
