The Secret to Getting Unstuck

A happy woman at the beach
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When you feel stuck, everything turns into a brick wall. You can’t figure out how to move past it, and your work, relationships, and self-esteem suffer. Everybody feels like this from time to time, but if you’ve been trapped in a frustrating place for a while, it can seem like things will never get better.

Here’s the truth: Things won’t get better unless you take action. But how can you take action when this unbearable feeling of stuckitude has sapped all your energy?

The Missing Piece

That’s where motivation comes in. Not the kind you find in a poster on an office wall. This is the force that will help you get up in the morning, put on your butt-kicking boots, and face your problems head on.

Motivation is different for every person. If you don’t know what yours is, you may find yourself drifting through life like a leaf on the current with little sense of control over your own destiny. You’ll work because you have to, or you’re supposed to. But rarely because you want to.

Let’s imagine that you have a task that needs doing, yet you cannot bring yourself to do it. You cannot summon the motivation to get started, and the longer the task sits there undone, the bigger and more intimidating it becomes. Maybe you let it go for so long that it starts to become part of the background of your life and you start pretending that it’s not there, like a hideous piece of furniture you inherited from your grandmother and now simply try to ignore.

There’s a reason that you haven’t done this task. Is it boring? Figure out a way to make it more interesting. Is it nasty or unpleasant? Do it right after you wake up–in other words, “eat that frog.” Is it too big? Break it into smaller pieces. But most of all, search for a reason to do it that resonates with you. That’s your motivation, the piece of the puzzle that will give you more energy and determination to work harder and bust through the roadblocks in your path.

For Love or Money?

It’s okay if your main motivation for going to work is a paycheck. In American society in particular, we’re weirdly allergic to admitting that we are motivated by money. As if that’s somehow less noble than working because you love your job or want to help your company grow.

If it’s helpful, think instead about what that money can do for you and your family. Keeping a roof over your head and food on the table. Paying off debts. Building a nest egg so that you can weather future storms. Saving up to travel or buy a pair of diamond-encrusted Crocs. (Hey, I don’t know your life.)

We’re taught that we need to love our work in order to be truly happy. But sometimes, it’s okay to do a job that pays your bills and leaves enough space in your life to pursue other things that give you joy. In fact, it might actually be healthier and more sustainable if you don’t hang everything on your job. Finding fulfillment in hobbies, volunteer work, relationships, and community is no less valuable than “doing what you love” for a living.

Other flavors of motivation include:

  • Creative fulfillment
  • Helping other people
  • Professional ambition
  • Personal satisfaction
  • Excitement and novelty
  • Reaching a goal

Notice that “because I’ll get fired if I don’t do it” or “because my partner will be mad at me” aren’t on that list. Watch out for negative motivators. Those might work in the short term, but they always end up sapping your energy over time.

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